Jenkem, A Example of American Ingenuity, Spirit

Kids of America,

You have an uphill climb ahead of you. You will have to cope with a crumbling economy, foreign war, global warming, domestic disparities and an energy/water crisis as you grow into your own. A lot of people say that we're screwed, that we've ruined our world for the coming generations. But where they see despair, I see a resilience, an uncanny ability to adapt and overcome even the greatest of obstacles. It has always been a part of this countries intrinsic fiber. And there is no better example of our continued optimistic fight than you, children of the nation. When you were unable to buy weed because wildfires destoryed all of the potent crops, you found a solution in over the counter cough rememdies. When Uncle Sam got wise to your robo-tripping, you found a way to get high from snorting your ADD medication. And now they are trying to take that god given (or doctor prescribed) right away.

We now stand at the crossroads of history, at a crucial crux between federal oppression and our right to get high. And once again it is you, the golden Cherubs of this fine nation, that have found our next answer. Who would have thought of shitting in a bottle, letting it bake in the sun and then huffing the poo gases, causing hallucinations that involve talking to dead people? Certainly not anyone over the age of 30. No, this revolution is yours to hold, children. It was you who saw an opportunity and you who ran with it. You crouched over that Poland Spring bottle, let it rip, put a party balloon over the opening and hid it behind the shed for a day. You found the wiggly straw, uncorked your concoction and took "a hit from the poop pipe [citation needed]". You had shit on your breath for the week. You endured the crushing effects of coming off crap fumes. You permanently branded yourself- publicly or privately- as a fecal huffer. You made us believe again.

So to you, brave soldiers of the days to come, I commend and thank you. When this nation is in it's bleakest hour, I will keep the faith. I will remember that there are those among us, growing bigger, stronger and smarter everyday that will intentionally breathe in fermented dung. And not for them, but for us all. For the future.