We Have a Map of the Piano

How eerily this tune provokes the past.

This song raises many fond and odd memories from inside. It makes me question the choices I've made and the choices yet to make. I feel powerless listening to it but empowered by the choices I've made during it's presentation.

What it does most prosaically is allow-force- me to reapproach my history and realize it is just that- a memory, growing ever more distant. There is a long standing belief held by people of a ripe age that one day you will return to the age of your youth, your strongest strength. But with every passing day it seems more apparent that there is no return. Life continues in its continuum, unconcerned with your fears and anxieties. It's an unnerving realization- that life has phases. Phases that eventually end. They may leave you richer in areas- monetarily, experientially. Yet time robs you of excitement, of that sensation that can only be conjured in that moment that means so much because it is enjoyed in the heat of virginity.

I feel many feelings listening to this song, but one feeling aptly left out of this emtional medley is regret. For every moment I have experienced, I don't regret. It is for every missed moment, every wasted second of my finite youth that I yearn. But in the end, there is no clock to respool to learn what could have been if a different path were to be chosen. So I suppose this dread is for naught. All that I can do is relish in the moments in which I did live, in which I did feel alive.

And during this song, however somber and sinister, I felt real.