Isn't it weird

I think I experienced what it means to grow old. It's not the joints going or the hair thinning.

It's in the moment when you stop having that inner draw to vanish. It's to lose the ghostly wonder that once tied you to a moment like a stake in time. It's when you dismiss that there is something- unspoken, formless- that is bigger than anyone can know. I'm not talking about a god, but of a sensation. To hear the wind howl, watch the grass rustle and watch the night sky vapor by. To be there and to really be there.

I have forgotten the last time I had that moment. And that's age.